Hunting for pain....

What a lovely morning......

yet it smirks a bit too much....

the cool breeze freshen up...

goading the dull one to shy of...

How often has it happened, that you just stop by, and question the basic of the most unquestionable things in your life. It puzzles me to think of so many beautiful things, which I have managed to single-handedly dissolved. They say, you attract precisely that which you keep thinking upon...if it is sad thoughts and grief that falls full force on you..and if it is happiness..that like a blessing shines on you....

Now that's the tricky part....it is amusing at times for me to notice how conveniently I overlook the obvious import of things and get worked-up over imaginary issues which..consequentially and naturally bring upon a barren land...

It is an old proverb, that happiness lies inside...as I struggle to find that speck of life and light which has been eluding me for a while..I am struck by my own courageous strength to push-back and negate any beautiful thing that might be happening to me...

now to save my own grace, I would like to attach it to my not-quite thought-through theory...that as humans, most of us have the tendency to down-run the power of happiness and blessings in our life as we are constantly trying hard to stay in the tense-mode. This tense-mode is nothing but that state of mind, where we think of none but the worse that can happen and try our utmost to fight it out of ourselves.

Now come to think of it..this particular state of mind, is in fact beneficial on certain terms. By visualizing the most possible worst thing that can happen to the person, he or she is able to withstand the most brutal of things that happen...

The fallacy is however, the fact that often, in construing the ills and bad omens, one often overlooks and self-blinds to the most purest and deepest of gestures around..questioning the simple calculation called love...

Now it is there, where it hurts the most...It has been read by me in many spaces, that when in love..one should get in the default mode of forgiveness and have trust no-matter what. How I wish..it was a default mode in me too....I have hurt the one who truly was fair...quite harsh I can get...

Lonely amidst the mortals

Lonely amidst the mortals

for it doesnt ring the bell in me

how does one convey the warmth in-grain

left to be wondered loud in the bleak

in the bleak grim ocean that swarms around .....

It is interesting to note how loneliness often creeps upon, sneaking and whispering all along. Well I do understand it is a common phenomenon among the masses and generally speaking, has absolutely nothing to do with the caliber and quality of  the mortality around us. Now the fatal question to be asked is, why does it happen. Upon much deliberation, which has in fact consumed a chuck of past few hours of mine...shine it upon me that maybe...possibly ..well I know it has been written before, and yes this may sound just as a cohesion with thoughts of the like...but to come back..maybe..possibly...the loneliness creeps upon us due to that constitution within, which haunts and dissects us upon every passing moment...judging and passing verdicts unsought....

Now to note, how our mind tricks us to imagine upon the persona of another individual...calculating and adding, subtracting and who knows what all follows...to arrive at that juncture, that in fact.... the one in front is the kind, with whom association can be built, and developed upon..and in time garnished with the lot of love and trust and like all along...

It is this juncture where fallacy often takes over. Now, 'judgment of first look' as many would term it, is by what people perceive the other individual just now met. Based on many a learning from past, this becomes a fairly well-structured assumption methodology which in time develops well and supports the entire structure of building relationships. But, unfortunately, bereft souls do exist as well, who are unable to pass such a judgment on not even the third, if not the first of the sighting of an fresh human contact. It is there, where the major debacles and shattering happen...for all the foundations of judgment shaken up and get structured as analysis and development of the character happens with passing hours and seconds of dime.

And it is at the end of such an ill sought adventure, left to the self...one realizes the enormity of the task of identifying the color of the other soul in front of our eyes. If only, they all shone in the same light...

if only those who shone together never parted

if only those who could whisper in silence hung around for long

for only when you are not with them

does one realize the import of that one friend

with whom silence of hours endless was musical 

enough to lighten the darkness of all souls as under...

If not for the coffee...

A cup of warm coffee to soothe down the nerves and bring-in the promise of a beautiful, wonderful day, of happy smiles and rainbow sunshine...hmmmmm....well thats what coffee has become for me over the past few odd months in Bangalore...


It is interesting to note how practically impossible it is to get a good cup of tea in this city...but then I don't think I would be qualified to complain, for yes one has to agree the whiff of filter coffee is like that unknown, mystical sorcerers' scent which enchants and en-captures the thoughts and the heart of humble me at behest..just as well the aromatic chains of tea engulf my whole...


and well all of this comparison and renumeration for the working of my mind upon a specific field of thought process..for of late I have been thinking a lot upon how to market a rating exercise. Well to be frank, it is a funny business, isn't it. Telling amongst a group of well-meaning coagulations, as to which one amongst them is the best when compared to rest...and which stands taller in the mighty jungle, of the like of a  rain-forest where every tall tree eats into the roots of other, vying hard for the sunlight and in-short..for life..for that fluid of energy which enriches the whole of the being...


But to be a little judgmental...who is exactly the beneficiary of the rating exercise...is it merely a method of satisfying the bloated egos of the mammoth and tell them, "yes my dear..you sure are the best"...or say it is for those who in short have to choose amongst all those standing for the ranks..as to whom they need to partner with..who is that amongst them who would be the best fit...


but then again...the needs and parameters of choosing a partner...well is quite dynamic once compared across the board...and i fail to comprehend if the ranking done for the larger good would be able to capture all the insights essential for choosing the right partner..
well it can be made possible..easily by doing an analysis of all the parameters picked up when choosing a partner and then narrowing on those which often remain constant across the board and then formulating the parameters for judging the ranking on basis of that...


well ...now is that that easy to do...maybe..shall keep you posted on whether we managed to create such an extravagant ranking which would be beneficial for all concerned...and whether it all managed to happen the way it should..


as for ranking coffee and tea..well now that's and epic battle which shan't be ever judged and pronounced upon..for some creations for nature are such..that you can never compare them..but stay in awe of it for long..

Things fall Apart......

Things fall apart; the center cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned -  "The Second Coming", William Butler Yeats

It is interesting to note how easily things, which till yesterday were absolutely perfect to the eye, disseminate and fall apart...leading to misery and desolation. During my graduation in English Literature, I had read 'Things Fall apart' by Chinua Achebe. The novel had these lines of Yeats's poem in the beginning, as a precursor or a curtain-raiser to the destruction, solitude and pain to be painted and captured in pages there after....

The novel had left me feeling hollow and sad inside. A definitive strength, the human spirit is what that is broken at the end of the novel, symbolized by the cursory  death of the human body through self-approval. An acute sense of sadness had seeped into me, upon witnessing the fall of the Okonkwo, the lead protagonist, who is reduced from his glorious stature and bought down on his knees and ultimately pushed to humiliation and disapproval. It was disturbing to realize the truth of a the phrase "this too shall pass"...how gradually with time, even the best of moments and the mightiest of forces loose their sheen and are defeated by mere splashes of waves. Oh yes..I do agree...it sure holds true for the sorrow as well..which again passes on to give space to life...

A I stand at this juncture of my life, I am left to ponder over and understand many an aspects which are undergoing change at lightening speed. If not for the sake of it, but the truth is I had been aware of many a cracks. But the sheer gravity of creation and destruction, of life and death are simply too magnanimous for me to comprehend and follow. Isn't it the reality, the unspoken facts of life that things no matter how strongly we wish, do not shape up the way we had expected them to. On the contrary, the most unexpected of events tingle-up together to form a chain of weird-shaped paper-doll chain, which wrap around us and hold us down, leading us to paths we had never expected we would tread...and yet with the childish ferocity we keep yearning and wishing for that which often deludes and vanishes behind the veil...


For a long time, I was under a belief that things happen for the greater good...and to be frank I still have faith in this profound thought...but often late I have been wondering a lot as to whether not it is just a fiction created by the forces of our thoughts which have led us towards deluding ourselves to believe in the fact that all that happens is infant for our own good. In consequence, isn't it actually blinding ourselves to the basic truth that the course of history could have been absolutely amazing and wonderful if not for that one decision. If not for that one decision, we could have been spared a lot of pain and suffering. 


But as I suppose, and most would agree...this particular variety of thought-process, which often is termed as negative and destructive, in fact doesn't help much in keeping us 'happy'. The thought of such nature which would dilute the dictate given us, that we, in fact have the best of life in front of us, the most promising we can ever wish for, instantly leading to the production of that hormone and that substance which brings smile to our face and gives us strength to go on in life. Recently I had heard it again in a new garb of 'all izz well' uttered by the protagonist in the famous bollywood flick 'Three Idiots'. So technically, I should tell myself that whatever is happening, is for my best...and I shall be happy tomorrow as I am today...or as I should be..coz all is happening in my favor..isn't it..


But then again...is it right to live in delusion...is it right to wear brightly colored blinds..and go on in life..maybe it is..it keeps others around us happy, I have experienced that often..but then again...how justified is living shaded for others..is it in fact the absolute mantra...maybe it is...maybe yes in fact it is...

Nuances of social discussion....

Tick tack...talking and whispering.....hush notes or bright laugh....i know u know....the fabulous high-pitched discussions and connections, intermingling of thoughts and viewpoints...it is an art as I discover over the long hours spent observing and assimilating the behaviors of specimens around me....and I have been curious to discover what exactly is that mystical potion that once adopted in the system of discussion would grant you for sure an absolute mastery on the vocab and thoughts of those at your discretion.....

It has often happened with me that I have sat across the table with really interesting people and absolutely ran out of discussion topics...now now..yes as you would suggest too...of course I tried the tried-and-tested path often trodden..that of asking the other of which they want to talk about and be a well-fed listener to all of that which would be dispersed....but could you believe the irony of it all..often I have been bereft of even the topics of interest for the other to poke and prick for hours long...

they say it aint that difficult...but if you ask me it sure is mystical....i have witnessed the grace of many..those gifted beings who have the flair for it you see...they can be conversant with everyone around...be the perfect listener and the momentous soul-buddy you had searched all along...now that my friend is something praiseworthy...knowing well how to chat up..knowing what would fly with the gust of enthusiasm with every other of this species....

but as I wonder and ponder over it for long...wondering how is the perfect host or hostess born..is it a skill one can imbibe and mask-on or is it a lofty blessing only few are burdened with...to be carried and tampered with for long...and kill the weary hours between strangers known and unknown...

Enchantment of marriage...

What to do...what to do...
stuck on the question of love
should one stir with passions alone
or let the mind do its work....
the eternal mystery as to why to wed
the eternal bliss and agony on self
how consequential would it be
would long-term become a symphony
choosing the one for the vows eternal
or letting the moments pick out as you surrender
unlike all that you decide every now and then
and like that which can shake the very base
we all end up at this one juncture
when abdicated are the joys of lonliness
and self-owned we stand in the trials and tests
conversant as I stand knowing both side of the jest
knowing what befalls once you take the step
yet untrodden paths call out with grace
for long overdue life and death
this one shot talk sure makes a lot of mess
and I am still stuck on the behest
stop should I my trusted to take this path
or bless them with the joy of unspoken spells to be cast
would happiness knock at the door tomorrow
oh yes I hope with all heart that it would stand the test of morrow....